The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .

However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay guys wish to discover from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this he has a good point is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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